My Father, Man of Principles(3)-나의 아버지(3)
또 한번의 추석이 찿아온다. 잠시간 망자를 생각하면서 그들에 대한 덕담을 마음껏 나눌 수 있는 때이다.
먼저 가신 분들 덕분에 내가 여기에 있다는 것을 안다. 보름달은 황금빛의 은은함을 병풍처럼 펼치면서 이승과 저승과의 인연을
축복해준다. 그리고, 글의 마지막 편을 올리면서 다시 한번 나의 아버지께 인사를 올린다.
"꿈에서 아버지와 엄마와 함께 셋이서 꽃길과 들길을 하염없이 걸었어요. 무슨 말을 나누었는지는 기억에 없지만
함께 많이 웃었던 것은 아침에도 또렷하게 생각났지요. 아버지는 밤 12시가 다가오자 가셔야 한다면서 떠나셨습니다.
제가 아버지를 좇아서 막 달리는 것을 보셨는지요. 얼마나 아쉬웠는지... 하늘서 부디 행복하세요."
My Father, Man of Principles(3)
Luckily, on his discharge from the army as a major(소령), my father, Kim Jaehwan, was given with reasonable retiring money
with recognizing his war service and receiving the support of some of his army friends, who knew the details and
secretly helped him.
To support his family, he decided to venture into business; at first, he bought a rice store in Seoul and ran it together
with his younger brother. After having established it, he gave it to his brother, for his brother(작은 아버지) was already
married and had his own family to support. My family moved to the section of the main area(종로) of Seoul and then
he bought a small space at a corner of a busy intersection to sell cigarettes and a handful of necessities. Soon, he was able
to purchase a pretty spacious bakery house(제과점) sitting just next to his store. Since then, through moving it
to different locations and expanding it, he stayed in the same business for almost 20 years with my mother; it became a solid foundation to build upon financially.
I remember that his business always needed many helping hands,
but it was easy to find reliable workers to fill positions in selling or baking
all kinds of breads and cakes mainly in Japanese style, because In the 1970s
and 1980s,
were eager to find work in
with meals and free room, and persuaded them to open a savings account
to deposit their paycheck directly into it.
Besides, at that time, eating bread and cake became kind of a fad for the young
Korean generation under the influence of American culture. Thanks to that trend,
my family’s financial situation improved dramatically year after year. But, my parents woke up at 7 in the morning,
bought or ordered many different kinds of materials from diverse sources, and stayed late up to 12:00 A.M. daily, which was
the normal closing time. Slowly, it took a toll on his health: he had to go through his first cancer treatment, colon cancer,
and survived, but was pushed into the condition of using excrement pouches.
Throughout my school days, my friends affectionately called him “dandy father,” (멋장이 아버지) because he was pleased
to see them and enjoyed to talk about funny or educating stories to them, who gladly frequented our bakery house
located at a convenient section of Seoul. They were amused by my father so unrestrained showing his love and pride for
his daughter, which was very unusual for the typical, inexpressive Korean fathers of his age. Some of my friends used to
visit him on the special occasions, even though I have been residing in America. Of course, any family member’s friends and relatives, too, were welcomed by him. Whoever visited my house, he treated them to drinks, breads, and meals,
since a majority of Koreans were still poor and the treatment of free meals was valued highly.
Later, he wanted his two of three children, me and the youngest son, to have settled in
from the moment of boarding on an airplane for
a slew of old, fond memories engulfed him with happiness, excitement and expectation. Even foods served in the airplane
tasted just right.
Reading, writing, playing Baduk(바둑), karaoke singing, and meeting with people were his pleasures.
He enjoyed traveling and seeing foreign natural landscapes and
exotic scenes, and to write about them in detail in his diary(일기장),
which he kept more than 30 years. In there, diverse topics were
handled to enhance his memories and broaden his knowledge:
memorable events of family, new scientific knowledge, Korean history,
world history, Japanese language, English, Chinese characters,
our birthdays, and any subject worthy to know by heart.
When in a good mood, he excitedly and sincerely read them loud
to me and enjoyed my attention to his words. This was an easy way
for me to make him happy. On special occasions and during traveling,
he also loved to take photos for the record; later, with comment and
great care, he chronologically arranged them into albums. Upon
seeing newly updated albums, my exaggerated surprise made him to spin out more stories. He was such a pleasant man
to be with.
After 60, he got tired easily and was concerned about the smell of the excrement coming out anytime, anyplace,
as well as the swollen or ulcerated skin around his new anus. But his retirement plan was retracted because of my mother’s
opposition. I noticed at that time that he gradually needed someone to lean on, but always adjusted to the circumstance and
let my mother do her way. I should have been the one to give the attentive observation and watch for signs of his aging,
but, I was too busy raising my kids and solving my problems far away. When we met, he only talked about positive things,
was rather ready to protect me, never complained about anything other than my mother’s changing mood and personality.
We laughed together a lot and were happy in each other's company. He trusted me that I would be his caretaker
when his final days would come. In retrospect, I should do much for his health, pain and agony; I still feel indebted to him.
(Above, his first resting place had to make way to "a new apartments-construction project" by the city, Suwon.
His last lifetime project was to build a charnel house(납골당) for his own family and his extended family ,
but it could not be accomplished because of his sudden death.
Now, he is resting in peace in a new home below with his parents. )
On his death bed, he said to me in low tone,
“life is nothing special, but I lived a good life.”
As he wished, his body was cremated and his ashes put into
a porcelain urn that was, at first, laid in rest right next to his parents’
graveyard and later moved to a new place together with his parents’
newly cremated ashes.
In boyhood, he was a weak, but strong soul who protected
his mother and younger brother; as a young man, he defended
his country and fought for his belief; as a married man,
he substituted his desire with his family’s desire.
Through all his life, he played many roles with best effort and good heart, but most of all, he was a dearest father.
For long years, my back was kept warm and my brain was relaxed, since I knew that he was right there where I could reach.
He left a indelible legacy to me with having lived in sync with his own principles- sacrifice, honesty, warm heart, and love.
As long as I live, I will cherish and look into it. Thank you for having been my father!